I fake a smile everyday from when i get up to work to when i got to bed…. i am FAT and this makes my life very difficult i am not attractive as my mom says “you have a pretty face but that body is disgusting” i just got in a fight with her a few moment ago, every single fight i have with her always ends with her insulting me and frankly i am TIRED of it!!! She shows me love at times when i ask for it or when she wants something from me, i have two brothers Franky and Ivan they have an easy life no insults just stay at home play video games and cry to mommy when they chip a nail she doesn’t care about their weight problem because according to her men don’t have to be skinny but i do because if i am not skinny i will never find somebody that loves me. I am a weak person i cry if you yell at me i hate arguing and she knows i am weak maybe that is why she attacks me because she knows i won’t fight back? but it hurts me so much that she causes all the pain inside me. I started gaining weight when i was about 12 years old and not once do i remember her telling me i don’t care if you are bigger i love you.. it’s always dirty looks and insults, ”stop eating you look like a pig” ” i should lock you in your room and not feed you until you fit into a size 2” i love my mother and i know she loves me because she has worked her entire life to give me and my brothers what we have but she loves me because she gave birth to me but hates me because i don’t look like a model i do not think i would be strong enough to leave my house because since i am the only one working she needs the money i don’t keep anything i give her everything and its still not enough the insults are bigger and more painful than before ” i am useless ”am only good for eating” i should look at myself in the mirror” i am gross” i should be like all the other girls ” lazy ”stupid” fat” I think i will never be who she wants me to be and i HATE my self for it ………for being weak and for being FAT and for EVERYTHING that is wrong with me and i know she will never see this but I AM SORRY!!! for not being the perfect little girl with the little waist you always wanted and if i ever become skinny i will never forget how you treated me when i wasn’t at my best….
You made me feel worthless
were always so crud.
always comparing
always yelling
never had a clue
how much your words
damaged me…
never again will you make a fool out of me
i am stronger than i let myself believe
you took advantage of me because i was weak
never again will i let myself fall deep
that sweet girl you meet is now dead and gone
she has now grown..
…
and can’t be broken
anymore…
you made me your clown
always controlling
always abusing
never had a clue
how much you meant to me…
never again will you treat me wrong
i am braver now than i was a long time ago
you took everything i loved away from me
never again will i let myself fall deep
that sweet girl you meet is now dead and gone
she has now grown
and can’t be broken
anymore…
i was blinded with the thought of love
that i let myself down
never again will i let myself frown
i am now stronger
i am now braver
i am now smarter
then i will ever be
and that is the only thing
i have to thank you for
from now on i will love myself
cherish every breath i take
because with every breath i take
i will become stronger to fight those who want to bring me down<3
